Childhood Dreams

I remember being a child and truly believing that if I were to play hard enough and emerse myself in my dreams deeply enough, that they may actually come true. I'd spend hours upon hours pretending that I was a baseball player, a basketball star, a football hero - and it all felt so real. In the summer evenings, I'd play barefoot outside as the crickets would begin their song and the sun drifted beneath the hills.

Many adults would give me a hard time because the activities I chose to pursue weren't in line with what little girls should do. But there was something within me that propelled me to keep doing the things I loved to do. I loved the smell of the freshly cut grass in our backyard, mixed with the fragrant eucalyptus  trees. I enjoyed feeling the California sunshine on my skin...and the Santa Ana winds as they regularly swept through my neighborhood, providing electric energy that breathed added aliveness into my being.

It was fitting for me to grow up where I did. With trees that I could climb, grass that I could make into imaginary baseball fields, a pool that I could dive into and swim in for hours, vacant dirt fields that I could ride my bike on...

I sometimes wonder why I am who I am? Why I was born with a love for things that many women can't identify with? Why did I prefer throwing a ball against the wall to playing with Barbies? Why did I prefer playing in little league to ballet classes?

Don't get me wrong...I'm not unhappy about this. I'm 33 and I still ride my bike on dirt paths, shoot baskets with the guys and can't help but jump in during BBQs to toss the football while the majority of the women can't figure out why I'd want to leave their conversation circle to act like a kid.

We each have our own thing...my question is...where should we go with it all? Do we banish who we were as children to become serious adults? Do we merge the two?

I constantly crave the ability to return to those days -- to feel the freedom of believing in my dreams, no matter how silly they seemed to others. To feel the sun shining on my face and the winds blowing through my hair...to end the day grass & dirt stained, green haired as result of hours in the pool...exhausted because I exerted every ounce of energy I had to give. To sleep sweet sleep, with the knowledge that my dreams were waiting for me the next day.

Childhood dreams...I wonder what significance they should play in our adult lives. And what happens when we decide to become adults and leave them behind?